REMOTE VIEWING

Field Guide to RV Gurus

www.firedocs.com/remoteviewing/humor/

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
by Rich K.

This is not good tasking. Which chicken? Which road?

More importantly, it is not a good idea for RVers to try to get into the minds of chickens. One could get caught up and wind up clucking instead of babbling and become hooked on a diet of corn. Detoxing is difficult as some people regress back to an egglike state... similar to ERVing or lieing in a cubicle at Monroe.

There is more but it is secret.

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
More on that theme, by PJ G.

CRV: The chicken, road, and crossing, have valid feedback, and hence are acceptable as a target, unlike the chickens used by other methods, which nobody currently has a name and mailing address for so they don't really count. P.S. We are sometimes nice to them in public though. We are nice to chickens, too. (Well, some of us.)

Smith variant:
(a) Describe in a single handwritten page the relationship of the chicken to the road.
(b) No, the chicken has NEVER been abducted by aliens.

Buchanan variant:
(a) Provide a statistical outline of the accuracy of your data for each of the points: chicken, crossing, and road. Report the tabulated percentage of this analysis to me for databasing, and request more practice targets. Wait 10 years for more targets. Don't complain. Get your own chicken.
(b) Yes, I believe your far out paranoid chicken story. I confirm everything. The government is definitely secretly doing this. In fact, I have crossed that exact road myself, too.
(c) It was a STRAY chicken.

Morehouse variant:
It is a lonely chicken, but that's the life. That chicken has been hassled and persecuted. But you as the viewer will learn to face these things WITH the chicken. Lie down on the floor.

SRV: The chicken was apparently run over, but the viewer tasked this described in nearly perfect detail the Galactic Hall. Nearly 100% accuracy! ("They did alas get the color of the G.H. walls incorrect." -- C.B.)

TRV: We told you about the chicken, you just don't remember, but we were right, as always. Don't listen to anybody else's chicken. We are the experts on chicken. If you dare mention chicken on your own we will ban you, your progeny, and all people who share the letter of your first name from our website for the rest of eternity, or until our founder Ed gets a prediction right, whichever comes first.

Founder Ed (Dames): I am the sole source of authority on chickens. I personally trained and developed the advanced performance for chickens, as well as supervised and fine tuned all crossing done by all chickens anywhere. My expert remote viewing team (better than anything the military ever had) has uncovered the REAL truth about the historical "crossing", as well as about the secret impending fate of the chicken, and in fact, all chickens. My team has been working on this project for over a year now and I feel obliged to -- well Art, I MUST share this with you, it is the moral thing to do, people need to be prepared -- you may as well know -- the sky is falling.
          Art: The Sky is falling.
          Ed: That's right Art. And I, I really wish this wasn't the answer, and we looked at several other timelines, but in the end, this was always it, every time, we came back to the sky, and it's just falling.
          Art: Well what -- what should people do? What will you do?
          Ed: Well I have obtained a, a small place, I can't give you details of course, but a, a place where the sky won't fall.

Ghengis Gene: Don't piss off MY chicken. Aaaugh! That does it! You crossed the road. Now my chicken is pissed off. Let me count the ways, and I'm starting with YOU.

Glenn Wheaton: I have my OWN chicken. My chicken deserves to be recognized with everybody else's chicken damn it!

Angela Thompson-Smith: I have a chicken too. In fact I am trained and teach several different methods of crossing. I have a background in scientifically studying chickens. And now, I have a Ph.D. in chickens, too. I don't understand why I never get as many well funded chickens pursuing me for training as the CRV guys. I'm currently offering a half price special, an accelerated class in road- crossing. At the end of this class, you will be able to track any chicken across the road. It only takes a few days, and the price is right. But wait, there's more! For only....

McMoneagle: I ah, I can't speak to chickens, nor to crossing of roads, as this has not been tested under controlled conditions and published from the science lab, and um, until this has been demonstrated scientifically, I'm um, I'm going to have to say I've never seen any evidence for chickens crossing roads.

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
More on that theme, by Eva C.

Bo: The chicken is a manefestation of the morphogenic field.

PJ: The chicken is a universal archetype.

Bill: Arrival on the wrong side is the result of telepathic overlay.

Eva: You assume there is a chicken crossing the road but how do you know the road is not crossing the chicken?

Richard Krankoski: What good is a chicken?

Republicans: Satelite evidence proves the chicken is hiding weapons of mass destruction.

Democrats: We should give the seed inspection a chance to sucseed.

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
Things missed, added by other contributors

TDS: all remote viewing-derived data about any chicken crossing any road is absolutely correct. Ceasing to be a chicken-eating cretin might help a person begin to understand why this is so. -- David H.

TDS: The chicken is a metaphor for life so it's not really wrong. You have to analyze this session with the knowledge that this viewer is a symbolic viewer and the road represents the transitions we all must deal with in our journies through the universe. -- Eva C.

TMI: Place the chicken in your energy conversion box and close the heavy lid. Then, begin your preparatory process: resonant clucking, followed by the affirmation "The chicken is more than its physical body." Then, go to Focus Hen, and I will meet you there. We cannot guarantee that you will have an out-of-poultry experience, but the experience you do have will be exactly right for you. -- Karl B.