PJ's Personal Archives
A post to the ehe.org discussion list [hooks and chords]
I guess there are a number of 'coincidences' if I tell the whole story in context (how I got to that point). It's kinda long if I throw that in, be warned.
In 1991 I was a medical-model skeptic, my primary studies hypnosis and psychology. For some time I was part of a small club called The Mesmer Society in North Hollywood CA and we had regular meetings about hypnosis (clinical). There was some PhD researcher who came to speak 2 or 3 times, but every time he showed up, I wasn't attending that night. I was disappointed to keep missing him, especially as he was from somewhere out of town, as I heard he was interesting.
Well, I moved a couple counties North, and one day (a year later or so) I found myself talking to this guy working in a 7-11. He was brilliant, hilarious, creative (and borderline schizophrenic :-)) -- I was delighted with his mind, and since it was really late when I walked in there, I ended up sitting on the back counter for hours talking to him. He told me he studied with this MD/Psychiatrist locally and we talked a lot about what you might call "the frontiers" of science (and what isn't yet but may be someday) in this area. I got the Psych's name and number and decided I'd call and see if I could go in and talk to him about his research and learn a little more about it.
The next morning I had this amazing vision, of a gold bird (real metallic but alive), and many other "symbologies" that I now recognize as very archetypal, but didn't then. In any case, I was euphoric and I really felt like it was some kind of sign.... somehow. It was strange for me but I felt like it related to what that guy and I had been discussing.
So I get my appointment and I go in to see this guy. He was an older gentleman, in his 70's I think, and very conservative in some ways. He used to be a preacher (Episcopalian) until his congregation felt he was walking too far on the wild side or something. :-) As we talked, I kept feeling myself going into near-trance sleep, and I was watching him, is he like a subtle hypnotist?! - but no, it was just the voice. I'd heard it somewhere before, and it instantly relaxed me, but I couldn't figure out why.
So I go home, and I'm getting ready to listen to a tape when something intuitive makes me scan my cassette collection. There it was! An old tape... a relaxation-to-sleep exercise I used to love. My father had given it to me 10 years prior; it was given to him by some woman he worked with... she had got it from someone else. It was made by some guy who ran a state psyche facility down by San Diego or something. Which as it turns out... was the very same guy, then in Ventura county, that I had just gone and talked to. Which as it turns out, was the very same guy that I had been missing at the Mez meetings in Hollywood the year prior!
The coincidence just astounded me.
I ended up doing a lot of work on his computers and such to help him out. To educate myself I offered to make him free an encyclopedia of all the exercises and 'body-mind associations' he'd covered in some years of teaching and lecturing, all of which were on videotape. He agreed. So I was watching videos and taking notes forever. Then one day, not paying much attention, he has some guest visiting one of his classes on the video and it's an asian woman, and she's showing the people things like dowsing rods, "blessing" food, etc. I'm kind of rolling my eyes about this at the time. I was doing something (can't remember what) and so not paying much attention.
Then all the sudden I felt this fuzz inside my head. I mean my whole head was buzzing, inside as well as out. I turned to the TV -- I sensed it related -- sure enough, she had just begun with her hands around (a couple inches from) someone's head on the video. The buzz was unmistakeable. The video had a audible buzz as well too, but this couldn't create, I felt, the feeling I was getting. I watched it. When she finished with the person, it faded away with me too. I went, "NO WAY!" And I rewound the tape.
I watched it six times, and it happened every time. I couldn't believe it but I was fascinated. So I went to the Doc and got her name and address, sent her my resume and business card and told her that I didn't have much money, but I would clean her house, watch her kids, do her taxes -- anything she wanted, if she would just show me what on earth it was she was doing and how she did it. She invited me over, and we talked for awhile, and she decided to "do a session on" me. I laid on a massage table as she did the same sort of thing (energy work). Over my forehead, I had my eyes closed but I could "see" as if golden sparkly energy was being poured INTO my forehead. I was so amazed. She told me I was her "dharma" (sort of means 'life path') and not to worry about paying for classes, just to show up for them -- ALL of them.
So I became a student of metaphysics, so to speak. I was in major denial. Meditation was impossible for me -- I just went unconscious. Students would step over my snoring body to leave for the evening! But eventually I got it, and went on to (according to her) become her best student. In any case, so as part of a long set of experiences, one was the hooks & chords meditation -- and my beginning with it, which itself is the experience I wanted to describe.
I had been doing the hands-on energy work for some time, and other things, but I really did believe that this was not remotely metaphysical -- I consider it totally physical, and if our science has not yet figured it out, that doesn't mean I have to relegate it to magic -- to me, it was purely physiological, but very cool.
I had been doing shamanic/jungian meds for some time when I began on the "hooks" meditation. I didn't really buy it, I mean, I granted it might be effective on myself, but to me that was for the same reason the archetype meds were -- my mind happily created for me a conscious dream-symbol of something inside, and I worked with it. I hadn't done the med on anybody else at that point.
To summarize, one simply "looked" (in the intuitive way) at somebody (whether in-person or not), and allowed oneself to become aware of where negative "hooks" (energy connections held in them that were draining or harming them) were found. There would usually be some small ones right near the surface here and there that could easily be removed. There would be some in other places, a bit deeper. What you 'saw' depended on your focus (you could pick a specific issue and look for hooks just for that, for example, instead of being general). And although I didn't seem to have the intuition-translation some doing this have (e.g., I seldom pick up the concepts behind things), my means of interpretation was workable, as shape, form, etc. So for example, one hook's line (the connecting cord) might seem sort of stretchy but strong, while another's might seem really "thin" while another might seem "heavy" or "thick" or something. It was interesting that if you focused on one you could follow it. Sometimes it actually went around or through the body.
One night, a student in class brought her early-20-something daughter with her. After an early-ending I was sitting on one end of the couch, and the daughter on the other end, and she was talking to the teacher about her engagement ring, fiancee, plans and so forth. I decided to try the "hook and chord" meditation on her, just to do it on someone else, and look for any hooks to try and release from her.
So I ground myself (a small meditation) and I close my eyes and I focus my mind on her. I could sense the small array of differing sizes, shapes and depths (we all have them), but I really couldn't focus on anything else than this one GIGANTIC HOOK that was right in the middle of her and that sort of 'hit me in the face' the minute I turned my attention there. In fact, I couldn't even sense where it was buried in her... just somewhere right smack in her middle and really deep. It was horrible. It was nasty. It struck me as black, and thick like a wrist, like an iron snake, like hard angry metal. (Some of this has symbolic meaning that I get now, but didn't then.) I was sort of aghast, because I hadn't encountered anything like that before! Fortunately my teacher was right there, and it was light and people were talking and having snacks, so the environment was safe for me, so I went ahead.
I envision the removal as me traveling inward, through layers of energy (picture a massive energy-onion which is the body, and inside it, various energy-onions that are the chakras), to find where a hook is anchored. I traveled inward with her. Good lord, it took forever. I sensed it was right in the center of one or more chakras, so deep that it seemed like it would affect her whole life deeply. I continued until I began to find the barb on it.
The barb was even nastier. It had dozens of little spikes that had grown out of it to anchor itself in her, and I felt frightened and nauseated and a feel of literal fear and "dread" while doing this. I wondered if somehow she had felt this and I was feeling what she had felt as this got anchored in her. One by one, I envisioned each of the spikes melting down into itself until it was no more, and I poured "good energy" in the space where each had been. It took awhile to get the many "tendrils" that had grown from the hook into other parts of her out. I had never encountered that aspect of the med before either... they'd always been straightforward for me.
Finally there was nothing but the hook and one massive, primary barb on it. I melted it down (it took WILL) and I held onto the cord coming out of her so it wouldn't go anywhere for a minute (I picture these as like measuring tapes that will SNAP back to their owner once you release them). It was SO large, there was this big empty hole in her where it had been, so I filled it with good energy and very slowly eased out the now-straight shaft, leaving good energy in its wake to try and heal the near-"cave" where it had lived.
Finally I was nearly to the outside of her, and I was holding onto the thing, and I tuned back into the conversation. Although she didn't seem as chipper as she had earlier, she showed no sign of anything going on inside her, so I thought, well, maybe it's just a 'projection' meditation or something, for me, not her. She continued talking -- her fiancee was doing this and that, and they were thinking of moving, and.... and I "let go" of the former hook and felt a comforting sense of SMACK! in whomever it had belonged to.
And just as I did this, I was simultaneously thinking to myself, "Well perhaps this is nothing more than psychology you know, it is probably more related to me than her in some way, and --"
And this girl BURST into sobs. I mean, she'd been in the middle of an innocuous sentence, when she just stopped suddenly and then burst out crying. Everybody just looked at her and at each other, not knowing what to say. My teacher put her hand on the girl's hand, and looked at ME -- she knew something had gone on, but not what! -- and this young woman just starts sobbing and crying about her father raping her repeatedly throughout her life, and how she's never admitted this before but suddenly she just can't stand it and she has to tell someone. Her mother (whom she didn't grow up with I don't think) just stood there white-faced and aghast. This girl was crying those deep sobs like when something really deep or loved is released or dies... she was totally wiped out.
I was pretty wiped out too. Not by my experience, but by the realization that my meditation had invoked that. In someone ELSE. Up until then I had done all the energy work and meditations quite happily ignoring all the 'metaphysical' aspects by simply assuming it was all simple physiology or my own psychology it was working on. That was the first time that I realized my thought could in some way affect somebody else. I was mostly stunned by the sense of responsibility for it. Like I had walked into somebody and opened a door. I hadn't asked. Not that I felt bad about it -- any more than you would feel bad about helping somebody lying injured on the road! - - but I felt this profound sense like, "Now you know. Now you are responsible."
The young woman's grief was clearly more than a few minutes was going to resolve, and everybody hastily departed, and she and her mother, crying on each other by this time, insisted on driving home.
When they left, my teacher says, "What were you DOING?!" Then we had to really laugh (in relief I think). I said, "Well yeah, but... I didn't know it would WORK!" She just looked at me strangely. She still doesn't really understand how part of me can openly accept things that another part of me doesn't buy a word of.... she is more integrated than I am, apparently.
To me, it was an amazing experience. Somehow, in symbolic form perhaps, I was able to access something inside somebody else, and was able to release it in such a way that she could finally "release" the secret to someone and begin to work on the healing process. Surely that could qualify as a form of a healing practice.
The young woman stands out in my mind, not only as the person who helped me realize the 'reality' of what I was doing, but as the person who helped me realize the 'responsibility' of it as well. To me, this was the "one white crow" -- if this worked, if this had reality to it, then the whole of metaphysics, of thought and energy and so forth, must. It opened me in a whole new way.
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