PJ's Personal Archives

Letter Excerpt [alternate reality [1]]

{August, 1994}

Night before last, I was minding my own business mildly daydreaming after my shower when I totally lost my lucid lock on it and conscious control of it. I don't mean I fell asleep, I mean it was like I was just "shifted" out of being in control of my own daydream. At which point it changed into something else, very vivid, not at all lucid. Technicolor with Dolby Sound, as a woman I know used to describe her "visions." It's like some of the other visions and waking "dreams" I have... too real for comfort... and I'm "in it."

There had [apparently] been this incredibly strong earthquake. There were things (like buildings) ruined. I was walking down streets, with this feeling of understanding, oddly calm considering the situation. I was walking around looking to see who might need help (? seemed like the thing to do).

There was this one building like a small apartment building. And there were men on the former roof, the whole thing had half-collapsed like a house of cards and was near rubble. They were digging through big pieces, and this woman was standing on the sidewalk just bawling her head off. I "knew" they were trying to find the woman's child who'd been inside when it went down. They were trying to look under the debris; it was difficult, because it was shifting, the rest of the building was in danger of falling, and the ground kept trembling with aftershocks.

I climbed up to the edge of the area near where they were searching and just stood there. A man says, "What are you doing?" And I said distractedly, I'm thinking... but I was actually "feeling." Maybe "sensing" is a better word. As if some intangible and yet physically connected extension of my thought was feeling around, like some kind of sonar attached to me. And then I turned around and pointed to this one exact area and said, "Under there. Just a few feet down. She's alive." And I could "feel" her under there, like a conceptual location thing, as if the X coordinate of her and the Y coordinate of me formed a sort of geometric conjunction and I could feel the length of the whole thing. (Like in the "Star Geometry" experience I could "feel" where everything was, in or out of my vision, as if it were both connected to me and inside me somehow.)

Then abruptly I came to, literally shocked at the intensity of it. And I thought Whoa! Well that would sure make T. laugh, the idea of me being some kind of "helper" in a time of natural disaster -- the supposed "walk in" scenario that I've dismissed openly to the point where he might loathe me now, I've been pretty invalidating about it I confess in retrospect. It just seems so stupid. It's going to be really embarrassing if it turns out I am some cosmic alien who walked in to help around the planet during earth changes, though the idea still strikes me as ludicrous.

Man! -- I hate these doom visions.

The vision disturbed me, because like many visions or dreams along these lines, it had the unmistakeable feel of "prophecy."

If you should ever hear people waxing poetic about the subject of prophecy, like it's some kind of wonderful gift, don't buy that for a minute. Only wanna-be's are happy about it. It gets old fast, and is more traumatic than enlightening. It seems to make modern-day prophets feel cosmic, you'd think, but give me a break. Most of the time I'm happy just to get through another day without screwing up anything of great importance. The Doom of Mankind is more than I feel personally qualified to deal with.


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