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Journal Excerpt [angel game]

{January, 1994}

I awoke a bit slowly, comfortably underwater. Everything around me seemed to have a vaguely bluish tint. I got out of bed, acknowledging that I was on the "second floor" which was the "top floor" of the (house?) I was in. I went into another room where a child lay in bed. The water didn't seem to make us float, and we didn't seem to have any trouble breathing it. I think I woke up the little boy and took him by the hand, and we went through other rooms, gathering other children... in any case, I was eventually surrounded by children. I wasn't sure if I was leading them, or they me.

We found ourselves in a large room that looked like some kind of lobby. The walls and floor were white. We turned into the room, and the wall with the door was lined with windows, and in front of the windows and at right angles there were chairs. The children sat down in a row in the chairs with their backs to the window, and I sat down in a chair near the center of room, with the windows to my right side.

I saw somebody coming through the window. A blonde man. He opened the door, and walked into the room, and as he got nearer me, my body began to vibrate, I began to shake, and joy and awe overcame me. Oh my God, I thought. It must be Michael! Archangel Michael! He's real! Holy -- geeeez! He was very tall, strongly built, and his eyes were large and so very, very blue, slightly slanted.

He gave each of the children some small thing that completely fascinated them. My body was frozen in place. I was in such awe it approached religious and sexual ecstacy combined, like being held at the upper point of orgasm and not let go; I couldn't even speak. I couldn't move. I couldn't even move my eyes. Michael had something for me, much larger than the toys he'd given the kids, and he pulled out a chair from beside me, set it facing me, sat down in it, and showed me what he had.

It looked like some kind of game board. Like a cross between Chess and Monopoly somehow. There were these... boxes, set into the board. The boxes had words on them like "Ideas," "Suggestions," and things like that. Michael took a card from one of them (I couldn't see which one) and attempted to hand it to me.

But I couldn't move to take it. I was simply so overwhelmed by his presence that I was immobilized. I was fixated on his blue eyes, as if they contained me. He seemed to talk with me for awhile but either I didn't hear him, or I don't remember what it was. I was so physically distracted I couldn't focus on anything except the visual of his eyes. Finally, he didn't seem upset, he just gave me the entire game board, put it in my lap, got up and walked out the door.

For once, I woke up "normally," hours later than I usually do.

The dream affected me profoundly. The physical content of it was overwhelming. Even upon awakening I felt physically affected, my body felt stunned, and the religious aspect of it was almost unnerving. I'd never felt so religious in my life as this one dream inspired. Not every day do you get visited by an Angel! I was awed. The dream really "marked" me in some way. It felt so different, so non dreamy in some sense, so intense! Felt quite real, even physically, and I vibrated with it.

It didn't occur to me to wonder why he was a human instead of something with wings. Michael was far more physically impressive on me than any character I'd yet met, and he felt different, for sure. He was a hard-core religious experience and I believed him implicitly.

But the cynical part of me, the part that wasn't sure it believed in Angels, kicked in. What it wanted to know was, what was the connection? Why was Michael blonde? Why was the guy who is "me," the guy who "claimed his power," blonde also? And the fellow who beat me up in that physical seeming "captivity" dream was too. So both the good guys and the bad guys looked similar, geez, at least my subconscious could be a little clearer for convenience, you'd think! I couldn't understand why everybody was blonde. Having dark hair myself, I couldn't come up with anything in my psychology that would create that.


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