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Journal Excerpt [black eyes]

{October, 1995}

I ... guess it must have been a dream... a tall, dark sort of man-entity with eyes that changed color (but often seemed to be glowing red or were deep black) came up underneath my bed (like through it) and snuggled up underneath me, against me. I felt him and it woke me up; I was warm and sleepy, though, and I left my eyes closed. I felt my head turn as his hands slid around my body and around my breasts, and I relaxed into him; his lips, with teeth that felt just a tad too sharp for my comfort, brushed my neck; I thought to myself, He's making love to me, and I wondered if I were really still dreaming, and only thought I was awake, or if he were really physical, or partly physical, he felt not 100% physical but still enough percentage to be very tangible.

As he kissed my neck, my shoulders, I relaxed further into him, so sensual, and (ok this is really weird!) he pulled one hand back and put it -- it was somehow sharp like a knife but didn't hurt at all -- through me, from behind, and slicing upward and through my breast. I didn't know how he could feel so physical to me, and I could feel him through me, but I felt no pain. There was some wary "awareness" of it on my part, and I was torn between objective concern, and a desire for his sharpness piercing my body... I wonder if this is related to that dream about the lion, and the sharp claws, or just some freudian psychological symbol.


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