PJ's Personal Archives

Journal Excerpt [tall world]

{January, 1995}

I was in a normal dream, but my attention was suddenly drawn to fascination. There was an amazing door I felt impelled to go through, and when I did, everything changed, and I found myself in what seemed to be the lobby of a very, very high rise hotel sort of building, something with tons of levels or stories in it. The whole feeling of things changed at that point; it became more linear, like an "experience" rather than "just a normal dream."

It was noisy, but looked to be tons of fun. There were people eating, drinking, and playing games of every imaginable sort, including a lot of gambling. In fact, the one notable factor about every game, no matter what it was (and it included everything from poker to board games to circus type games), is that it was gambling. There was some serious risk about losing, like it really cost you money or time or some such thing. Walking slowly through the lobby and watching the games, people from all sides, running games, were hawking them at me. A guy who looked like some kind of dwarf was standing on a long table with a long board and lots of game pieces on it; a curvy lady wearing a top hat and nothing else was running some kind of card game. I continued walking through the middle: but I don't like crowds much, and I dislike games of chance.

I walked for quite a long time, thinking, good grief, how big can a building possibly be? Eventually I reached an area where I concluded that I'd (finally) reached the opposite wall of the room, as the games had petered out. I couldn't even see the place where I came in, that's how far apart the walls were. Wondering how all the other people there had found this rather wondrous entertainment place, I sat down on a bench near the far wall in the corner.

After a few minutes of watching the games from there, I saw a man come into the room through a door right near me, in the blank wall, that was completely invisible until he went through it. With his head down, he quickly walked to just a few feet from where I was and -- no kidding -- disappeared into the wall. I thought, "Wow, that's some trick!" I decided to follow him, if I could. So I went over there, and found that if I walked right up to the wall where he did, a doorway suddenly appeared. I went through it, and found myself on the bottom landing of a stairway that wound upward. I went up the stairs, and the stairs and hallway ended at a door. So I went through the door, and found myself on what appeared to be the next story up of the gaming building. The people seemed to be dressed just slightly nicer there; I wasn't sure what it was, and at the time wondered about it, but something gave me the impression that it was slightly "better" than the first floor.

Just then, I saw the fellow I was following walk around a corner, and I dashed toward him in time to see him go through another invisible door. I followed him, finding myself in a small room with nothing, it was empty. Walking forward, as my nose almost touched the opposite wall a door appeared, and I went through it, found another staircase, and ended up on what was apparently the third floor.

When I got there, the fellow I was following was nowhere to be found. I avoided walking toward all the activity, which somehow seemed slightly different and far more interesting to me now, and sat down on the floor against the wall. I was determined to wait until somebody else, or maybe the guy I was following, showed up again and showed me how to get up to the next floor. I had somehow concluded during this that every floor was, in effect, some kind of entertaining trap. That the goal was actually to get to the top floor, but people got distracted, and then indebted, and forgot about moving upward. I had the feeling that I couldn't eat anything there, or drink anything, that for some reason that would tie me to that floor, so I sat and waited.

Eventually another man came in through an invisible door, walked past me and quickly vanished around a corner that I could swear hadn't been there. I jumped up and followed him, and found the doorway out, the stairway up, and the next floor. From that point on, I simply looked for the doors, without waiting to be shown. I didn't waste my time on any of the sights and sounds coming from the huge rooms of entertainment, I just went to work on finding the next door at each level. Up, and up, and up, it seemed like the building must be impossibly tall.

Finally I got to one level -- and there was the blonde me-guy! It was the first time I'd met him in such a manner. Usually it's in a rather spiritual manner, an astral or archetypal sort of thing, but this was like a normal, everyday meeting of him, it all felt so literal, I felt the same as I often feel when I'm around many-storied buildings and blue pools -- he felt physical! It disconcerted me, that he wasn't merely some symbolic aspect of me but was quite literally another person! In the flesh. What a concept! I hadn't thought much about it, and certainly hadn't thought about ever meeting him physically were that the case. I just stood there for a few moments, shocked.

He seemed to have been waiting for me. He nodded toward a wall, and I followed him and we continued going upward. We climbed, and climbed... he seemed to know where all the doorways were to be found. I thought, How can he see them?! But maybe he just knew where they were.

Finally it became more and more difficult to get up to the next floor. The manner of moving became creative if not bizarre, as if it were somehow designed that the likelihood of people like me getting up another floor was somewhere between slim and none. The blonde fellow knew what to do; like in one place, he grabbed a big rope-like thing hanging over the edge of a wall, and climbed up it until he was at the top. He was not only tall and strong, he was in fabulous shape, I thought rather admiringly, almost unusually physically adept. Then I thought, oh no, he wants me to do that?! And I began, but it was obvious I'm simply not strong enough for it, I'm in lousy shape.

I paused, thinking, Wait a minute. Isn't this a dream? Of course it feels real, they often do -- but it must be. Still, why would I be limited in a dream? But although I told myself it shouldn't matter, I seemed physical -- my surroundings indicated an obvious dream, but I seemed fleshed, and felt it as well. He stood above me looking down over the wall at me, seeming fully disgusted with my complete lack of physical prowess, and since the wall wasn't very high, he was able to eventually grab my wrist and help me climb up by pulling me up. There were a few odd climbs and routes like this, and I got the feeling (again) that he was like my big brother or something; vaguely annoyed to have to be dragging me along, felt I was "less" than him, but not disliking me for it, just feeling that I was holding him back. I had the feeling he'd been "assigned" me, like older siblings get stuck with younger ones. Eventually -- finally! -- we got to this one floor that was different than all the rest. The games and noise and people and other things that had made me accustomed to a certain noise level on each floor were abruptly gone, and it was quiet.

Just inside the door there was some kind of food service place, and long tables and (sort of) benches. He talked to someone I couldn't see just around a corner of the food place, and came back with a bowl of something, which he sat down and began to eat. I sat down across from him and said, Aren't we supposed to go up? Or do you just want to eat first? He indicated that we couldn't go farther on our own, we needed to wait for somebody. So I sat there while he ate.

After a few minutes, I heard a noise and turned to see a man coming through, leading about six animals of some kind. I wondered why they would allow animals in a place that had food. They stopped near us, and the blonde-me got up and went over and talked to the man leading them. I looked at the animals, trying to make out what they were. They were way too small to be horses. They were simply bizarre. Finally as I stared at them, my mind went Aha! They're large mutant greyhounds, that's what! Pleased to have finally figured it out, I joined the men, and the other big guy indicated I should... well it was something like riding one of them, or standing between them, or some such thing. No, I said sadly, No way are they strong enough, it would hurt them. The guy waved his hand like I was an idiot, and the blonde-me said something to the effect that it didn't make any difference. So I found myself somehow riding on or between them, and the blonde-me walked beside the other fellow, talking with him, and our rather unusual pack animal train continued, gliding almost, through that room and another doorway.

I don't remember much after that, just a minor thing: we were somewhere very, very high (I felt), and the blonde-me said or thought at me, Your parents are on the [monitor]. (The actual word he used is... nonexistent, I can't translate it except to say monitor or intercom or whatever. I wonder if I speak another language somehow?) I went to this desk that was round and had something like a screen in it, at the time I seemed to recognize it. I pressed a few places and got a message from my father, whose voice said, Well we were here looking for you for some time, it's about midnight now, but we could only get to the third floor, and still no sight of you, so we're going to go on home now. I thought upon getting the message, Gee, I hadn't realized that dad was involved in weird dreams like this too! Then I shrugged, and went on with whatever I was doing.


Sandy dreams. They're so detailed! I mean so linear, like they're just a normal experience that I had, with the small detail that they're not in "this" reality anyway, and that some parts of them are "invisible" to me.

It was neat to meet one of the other four "elementals of soul" in regular-person. So to speak. I really adore him.


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