PJ's Personal Archives

Journal Excerpt [un-bi-locating]

{March, 1994}

I've had a series of events where I was talking with some given entity and then, due to circumstance scaring me, I brought myself back. It was usually something fairly normal that, because I was lucid, I misinterpreted. Like one entity who, as a matter of course, offered a certain psyche merge that translated into having sex with me. Being lucid, I reacted differently than I would have were I not. I said, Well if you're so superior, why would you want to have sex with me? What, are you depraved or something?! And he just walked away. (That's me, diplomatic even on astral levels, ha!) And as he turned back to me, in my anger, I yanked myself back into my chair.

The best way to describe it is to say that it's apparently (usually but not always) my "astral" body that is elsewhere having these conversations. (Actually, I often feel instead that I've split into two equal pieces, I think I've heard of that, called "bi-locating," where I'm physical in both places, but I have no proof and it sounds even weirder, so I'll skip that for now.) It is very difficult even to get lucid, but thanks to my talent with this I manage to be lucid a great deal of the time. When I get scared or angry, I... "yank" myself back "here." It's a matter of sort of simultaneously forgetting you are there, remembering you are here, and with a strong jolt of emotionalizing or "willing" to be "here" right this second. It's not always easy, and depending on one's degree of physical density "there" at the time it can take tremendous, immediate will and absolute focussed attention, but I have those.

In any case, every time it has happened, the entities who see it coming react with stunned surprise. Occasionally they've dived for me, as if they could physically hold me there, but they're too late. I feel guilty when I come to, because you know, it takes energy on their part to grab me if that's what happening, and they're being decent enough I suppose, and after all their effort, if I freak out in the middle of it, it's sort of a waste for them. I can understand their annoyance. Their surprise tells me that either my dream characters are surprised, or if this is some Jungian thing and/or they're autonomous from me like they seem, I'm apparently one of the few folks they've met who does this.

One thing I've noticed related to this, though, is that often after doing this, I literally "black out" my entire night for up to two weeks. I mean even the most serious attempts at lucidity, something that used to be constant -- it's suddenly impossible. I'm not only not lucid, I don't even have the slightest memory. It's like some kind of complete unconsciousness, like when I'd find myself elsewhere in my car, just zero recollection of anything.


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